Join me I deserved it
No time to have you lurking
If I got right then you might like it
You know I dealt with you the nicest
Nobody touch me, I’m the righteous
Nobody text me in a crisis
I believed all of your dreams are fruition
You took my heart and my keys and my vision
You took my heart off my sleeve a decoration
You mistaken my love I brought for you for foundation
All that I wanted from you was to give me something that I never had
Something that you’ve never seen
Something that you’ve never been
But I wake up and everything’s wrong
Just get ready for work, work, work
We just need to slow the motion
Don’t give that away to no one
Long distance, I need you
When I see potential I just gotta see it through
If you had a twin I would still choose you
I don’t wanna rush into it, if it’s too soon
But I know you need to get done, done, done, done
If you come over
I wish I could remember it all forever; When we said our parting words, and I had my hands in his for what I knew would be the last time. As they slipped from mine, I knew I would never feel them again. What followed that was all how I fell in love with the one that got away.
I really do believe that I loved him. But it was the most tragic kind of feeling, as I could not tell it. I remember how when I thought of him my heart would race, my mind keeping pace. I would not sleep and we both had many sleepless nights. When I first saw him, I had already sensed something. When we first talked, it was all too easily confirmed. We were amazing together. He would make me smile intently, laugh out loud and cry all in the same day. Our chemistry would never be something I would compare. But maybe we were too similar for our own good.
I still look back at conversations we had and they would refresh every feeling that I felt at that time. I would wonder what it’d be like to see him again. Or if I would ever see him again. We both figured it would be best if we never. But maybe it’ll be one of those stories where, we’ll run into eachother at an old age, and I’d like to think he’d still remember everything we felt. And maybe then, we’d be able to speak honestly to eachother.
My mind is spinning and my heart doesn’t lead too far behind. I’m wondering what more can I do. Am I doing something wrong, am I missing something. Am I just not the one? I think I’ve gone a far way to become who I am now. I spent most of this year working to be someone amazing so that when I meet that person who I want to be with, I can be everything for them. I wanted to know I could be in a place where I was ready, and I feel like I know myself well now. And what I want is to be closer to him. But it’s not enough right now.
What can you really do when he’s not ready for you? I want to be here for him, I believe I can wait. But in conflict, out of my own selfishness, I just want to be with him. And he tells me, I’m everything… but it’s not right right now. It’s not all on him because I know what this all is. My heart stays protected knowing, at any point this could go no where from here… but I can’t help myself.
Of course. I should have known that my life would never seize to make things more complicated than your average. It knows me just too well, knows that nothing ever should be given to me too easily.
I pride myself in being a patient person in most aspects of my life, but there is a significant part of myself that is just far from any kind of patience. It is spontaneous, passionate, demanding, irrational and pretty much “crazy”. When I tell myself to take my time, my heart is in constant battle with my mind. That’s the truth. And so this all kind of comes to me like a brick wall. Sure it’s not ideal for what my heart wants right now… but I guess it is necessary.
But actually, it’s like a string of events that happens for a reason. Serendipity. If I follow through and truly believe that it’s all worth waiting for, this could be something with really great potential. I see it in him now. Just imagine, if undesired events didn’t happen, we might have never met, and even if we did we still wouldn’t have opportunity to be where we are now… in eachother’s company.